File management is a HUGE part of being a photographer. The amount of hard drives I’ve filled over the years is absolutely insane. And then you count to all the personal photos, vacation photos, every day photos, my portrait photos of Eila..it’s a lot. And again and again I found pictures I didn’t even remember existed when I organize and go through files.

Like this one.

Pregnant me, taking a picture of myself and my round belly through a dirty bathroom mirror.

I keep thinking what I was thinking and I’m pretty sure it was a million of things. I know I was anxious. All the time. I was anxious for the well being of my daughter. I was so worried. I’d keep a track of her movements and would call my doctor e v e r y time something was off. All was fine. But man, I worried a lot.

One point my amniotic fluid was low and she was breech but that was it. She was healthy. I was healthy. It was all ok. I ended up having a c-section and she had jaundice but it was good. And man did I worry throughout all of it. SO MUCH.

But I knew then what I know now is that the moment you found out you’re pregnant you just worry, care, worry and care and yeah, you worry and care. SO MUCH. More years I’m a mom more I just awe how mothers send their children to college, how mothers see their children move away, how mothers see their children go through heartbreak.

The desperate need to protect must be partly biological or something. But mostly-mostly it’s love.

That’s how I remember pregnancy. I just wanted to protect her and make sure she’s alright.

Pretty much how it is now that’s she’s 3.


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